10 Things I've Learned From Kids' Television

1) No parents in the world have as much patience and calm as Cailou's parents, especially for such a whiny, horrible child.
2) Dora's parents should be ashamed of themselves for letting her go off on adventures ALONE.
3) Bob the Builder can build anything in a day.
4) Using adult voices for kid voices is SO not okay, Fireman Sam.
5) Yo Gabba Gabba has some weird power over children even though it's simply psycho... maybe it's a form of brain washing?
6) Ornithomimus is the fastest dinosaur that ever lived. Thank you, Dinosaur Train.
7) Thomas the Train never learns and always causes "confusion and delay."
8) That completely wordless animated penguins are nevertheless entertaining to my kid and very very annoying to adults. I detest you Pingu.
9) Penguins are blue, Ladybugs are pink, Hippos are yellow, Moose are orange, and Kangaroos are purple. If you don't believe me, check out The Backyardigans.
10) The girl cow was the worst addition to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse EVER.


I never knew that children television could be so educational for an adult.